Monday, September 01, 2008

I guess I don't really hate political posts as much as I thought.

So who else is excited about Sarah Palin? I AM! My inbox today contained a gem, a whole list of Sarah Palin jokes, Chuck Norris style. Already, guys? I'm impressed.

And because they made me laugh, I'm sharing them here.

Did you know that…

Sarah Palin does not have 5 kids, she actually has 7. Their names are Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig, Chuck Norris, and Jack Bauer.

The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin's eyes.

The Russians sold Alaska to America because Sarah Palin would not submit to autocracy.

The Arctic Circle runs through Alaska so the Sun can have some relief from Sarah Palin's bright glare.

Sarah Palin is allowed first dibs on Alaskan wolfpack kills.

Sarah Palin is so pro-life that she personally hog-tied two reps from Planned Parenthood who came knocking at her door.

It's not raining in DC. Those are God's tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin's hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps.

Sarah Palin is the "other" whom Yoda spoke about.

Sarah Palin's presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.

Sarah Palin fired Jack Bauer because he was too soft in dealing with terrorists.

Sarah Palin's pageant career ended early so other women could have a chance.

Sarah Palin's son Track is going to Iraq after the Surge, because a Palin during the Surge would have been unfair.

Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone. (X-Men reference)

Sarah Palin actually has Big Foot in her freezer.

Sarah Palin gave a speech in Texas after her water broke before flying home to Alaska to give birth. (Actually true)

Sarah Palin doesn't need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.

Sarah Palin once spilled coffee on Joe Biden & one of his $400 ties from Pink.

Sarah Palin keeps her hair in a beehive to hide her ninja weaponry.

Sarah Palin will personally open a homemade can of whoopa** on Ahmadinejad, Putin, and Chavez as soon as she's done making mooseburgers for her kids.

A grizzly bear once tried to stare down Sarah Palin. Once.

Sarah Palin will send Joe Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip.

Sarah Palin became governor because five children left her with too much spare energy.

Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity's war against the machines. (Terminator reference)

Three of Sarah Palin's 5 kids came out sideways and she never flinched.

Global Warming doesn't kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does. Generally with her bare hands.

Sarah Palin was the original "Deadliest Catch."

Sarah Palin paid her way through school by hunting for Kodiak pelts with a slingshot.

Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even in 1959 that Sarah Palin never finishes last.

Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man's body.

Sarah Palin once won the Iditarod without any dogs. She simply willed the sled to victory.

Sarah Palin wears half the makeup that John Edwards wears and still looks like twice the woman he does.

Sarah Palin once guided Santa's sleigh through an Alaskan blizzard with the light from her smile.

Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it's in their interest to jump into the boat.

end email.
But really, that's not the point of my post. The point of my post is that, guess who's not excited about Sarah Palin. The left, predictably, but also, surprisingly, the super-right! Over at Ladies Against Feminism (which I usually like quite a lot, but they've lost mega points in my book over this issue), apparently, Sarah Palin is not the pro-family choice (trust me, it's a story on their page even though this link goes elsewhere) because she ought to be at home raising her kids. Also, really, click the "not the pro-family choice" link, because there's some fantastic stuff about how McCain isn't pro-family, he's just pro-victory. Because not being pro-victory is going to do much for us? Well, ok, I guess I could have guessed that that would be their line. But oh? guess who else thinks that? the feminists! (not counting the Feminists for Life, because presumably they would approve of one of their own) Wow, so, the feminists and the anti-feminists agree on this, and they're using the exact same talking points! (p.s., I love the Anchoress. And I'm going to let you read what links of hers you want to, but I'm tired of linking) (not to mention that the feminists are suddenly gigantically concerned about the welfare of five children of a working mom, because they've been telling moms to get back in the kitchen this whole time, right? right?? huh?) Weird, no?

So, to chronicle my list of surprises re: the appointment of Sarah Palin:
1) The left doesn't like her. Whatever, not a surprise. Actually, I get the impression that she scares the pants off of them, and rightly so. She's probably shot more large game than the whole Democratic National Convention put together.
2) The Ladies Against Feminism don't like her. What? Oh, right, she should be at home raising those kids. But what if she's what it takes to get McCain (and her too, natch) in office so's we can keep our ammo and bibles and continue being bitter people clinging to God and guns? Well, she can't because she's a woman. Fine.
3) But what now? The feminists also say that she can't because she's a woman? You've got me there, guys.

for good measure,

4) Her DS kid isn't hers, it's her daughter's. He was begotten in incest, and thus is severely disabled. Or, you know, just slow enough at learning maybe not to know how hateful people can be. Lord knows, we need to rid the world of these people. (didja know 90% of Downs Syndrome babies are aborted? I didn't until this news came out)
5) OH. But that daughter's pregnant. Five months pregnant. And Trig is four months old. Oops, guess we counted wrong, folks. But it's ok, we can still have SCANDAL! because there's a TEENAGE! GIRL! PREGNANT! And we know that the pro-abortion crowd doesn't know that teenage girls ever get pregnant. (Shall we also mention that she's keeping the baby and marrying the dad? That's ok, we'll just shun her for ruining her life and having a kid. Whatever.)
6) So maybe we have to accept that Trig is Sarah's son. We can still shun her for ruining her life with a Downs Syndrome baby.

As the Anchoress says, let's sew a red A for her. But wait, I thought this was what the feminists fought against, the sewing of scarlet letters?

WHO. KNOWS. You've got me, with your supperyur logik. Me, I'm just a country girl who's excited to have a potential VP who wants to save the babies and let me keep my gun, and who, sexy-wise, just might be able to kick Obama to the moon. And by sexy, I mean intellectually, of course.


Anonymous said...

Sarah Palin gave birth to a baby with Down's Syndrome at the age of 44.

Is anyone else appalled at this?

The risk of giving birth to a baby with Down's Syndrome is extremely high in women over 40 (and even higher when the father is also over 40).

Sarah Palin "opposes the use of birth control pills and condoms even among married couples".

I am disgusted by this irresponsible behaviour. To give birth at age 44 to a baby with Down's because you refuse to use birth control inexcusable. Ignoring the dangers that you expose yourself and your baby to by refusing to use birth control after 40 is negligent and careless. To believe that a woman like this has the opportunity to become Vice President of the United States of America in 2008 makes me ill.

Does anyone else share this opinion?

Doug said...

Sure, I'll be glad to share my opinion with you. But first, please wipe that frothy foam from your mouth.

I guess you then believe in celibacy after you're done with kids? I don't doubt the stats on DS babies. Ever hear of "slips"? Stuff happens. What you do AFTER that is where we start testing your beliefs. We see that Sarah and Todd demonstrated to us all that they really believe what they say they believe. I rather admire that. Just sayin'.

Wanna provide us with a link to your "opposes birth control" quote? I know that she is a member of Feminists For Life, which does NOT oppose birth control methods. What's your info?

It eludes me that your "points" (ha!) somehow disqualify someone from office. Or did you simply mean to say that "she doesn't think like I do, so she doesn't get my vote"? That's fair.

That someone with your mindset gets to vote in 2008 makes ME ill.

BrookeMatina said...

Knowing the risks is one thing. Being careful and having a 'slip' is another. But if you call gallivanting around the country for 67 days while your baby (special needs or not) is still in bonding mode (and should still be breastfeeding) responsible? Is her husband able to make up for all of the time that she will be away? I don't think that anyone that is pro-family could think that this is a good situation for a parent of such a young child to be in. Nor is it responsible (to herself or her very new baby) for any woman to return to work three days after giving birth. Pro-family means putting your family above yourself. You can't convince me that they are so strapped for cash that Sarah NEEDS this promotion! She is putting her family at risk (and I would say this of a father with a four-month-old as well) by taking such a taxing job so early in her child's life and at a time when, obviously, her oldest daughter needs more parental guidance and engagement.

Mary Catherine said...

Frogcatcher: uh, no. Not appalled at all. What, does the baby not have the right to live because he's not perfect? Should she have killed him?
I oppose condoms and birth control pills even within marriage, but I don't know about Sarah's views. What I do know is that she is my hero for loving her child even though he's not perfect. And Down's Syndrome kids are the happiest kids you'll ever meet! If you're talking quality of life, I think we'd all be better off if we all had an extra chromosome.

Doug: yay! But your profile isn't available, and that makes me sad because I was hoping you had a blog and I could read it.

Brooke: You get a novel as a response. I think it's best for moms to stay at home with their kids. I also think that Sarah Palin is EXACTLY what McCain needs to put fire in his campaign, and win. I do think that, aside from actual child abuse, it's up to each parent to decide what is best for their kids, and thus I'm not going to say that someone is a bad parent for a) working, b) bottle feeding, c) putting their kids in public school, or d) whatever else I might think is not necessarily the best thing that can happen for kids in general. What they need most of all is love, and it seems that the Palin family has that in spades. I'd guess, also, given that she's been in public office before and that her family does not seem to be totally dysfunctional, that she probably has a supportive group of grannies and grampas and aunties and uncles and cousins and maybe some friends who pitch in and help out with the kids. It's not a substitute for a full-time SAHM, of course, but if it works, it works.

And I don't think that the oldest girl's pregnancy is proof that it doesn't work. The daughters of the best-parented kids can get pregnant, sexual attraction being a natural human phenomenon, after all. A heroin addiction, that might be proof that it doesn't work.

As far as being pro-family? It's a hard argument, I'm not gonna lie. All I can say is, is public office ever a good job for a family person? I'd say, definitely not. But does that mean you only want people who don't have families, don't know what it means to have a family, making all the decisions for the country? DEFINITELY not. Go talk to Plato and Plutarch about the difficulty of finding the sort of person who CAN rule/represent the people/whatever well and would still want to. They knew it was just about impossible. Only the power-hungry will want to, and they are exactly the ones who shouldn't be allowed to. Sarah Palin seems to me to have the attitude that "well, somebody's gotta do it, and I might be able to do it well." Is that pro-family? Maybe not - maybe she feels that she's called to serve the good of the entire nation, despite what she'd rather be doing (she is rather a down-home type of girl, after all). Is that an excuse you'll accept? Only you know that. I go for it, though.

sarah e. said...

Elizabeth Foss responds well to the "shouldn't she be at home?" nonsense in this post:

I like how she points out a handful of saints who were working mothers. And more importantly, I agree with her that we simply cannot know what is meant to be only between Sarah Palin and God, and Sarah Palin and her family.

The tricky part here is explaining to people that there's a difference between believing that God can and does call some people to live out their vocations in unusual ways without crossing over into the relativistic "whatever floats your boat, it's all good" mentality.

I don't believe that women belong on the battlefield, and yet I'm sure that God knew exactly what He was about with St. Joan of Arc.

sarah e. said...

That link didn't copy right. Here it is again:

sarah e. said...

P.S. I had a good laugh over some of the "Sarah Palin facts." For a few more you can go to

Mary Catherine said...

Wow, great link, Sarah! Thanks! I can understand where the "shouldn't she be staying home" people are coming from, and my mom's one of them, but it does annoy me to no end when they cross the line into thinking that they know the way ever single family should be, and there are no exceptions. The point about Joan of Arc is a VERY good one.

Andi said...

LOL... I am most definitely putting these up on my blog.

In case you are wondering who I am, I happen to be a long time family friend of mysticalrose and shelle belle and it was through the country blog that I found yours. :0)