So who else is excited about Sarah Palin? I AM! My inbox today contained a gem, a whole list of Sarah Palin jokes, Chuck Norris style. Already, guys? I'm impressed.
And because they made me laugh, I'm sharing them here.
Sarah Palin does not have 5 kids, she actually has 7. Their names are Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig, Chuck Norris, and Jack Bauer.
The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin's eyes.
The Russians sold Alaska to America because Sarah Palin would not submit to autocracy.
The Arctic Circle runs through Alaska so the Sun can have some relief from Sarah Palin's bright glare.
Sarah Palin is allowed first dibs on Alaskan wolfpack kills.
Sarah Palin is so pro-life that she personally hog-tied two reps from Planned Parenthood who came knocking at her door.
It's not raining in DC. Those are God's tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin's hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps.
Sarah Palin is the "other" whom Yoda spoke about.
Sarah Palin's presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.
Sarah Palin fired Jack Bauer because he was too soft in dealing with terrorists.
Sarah Palin's pageant career ended early so other women could have a chance.
Sarah Palin's son Track is going to Iraq after the Surge, because a Palin during the Surge would have been unfair.
Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone. (X-Men reference)
Sarah Palin actually has Big Foot in her freezer.
Sarah Palin gave a speech in Texas after her water broke before flying home to Alaska to give birth. (Actually true)
Sarah Palin doesn't need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.
Sarah Palin once spilled coffee on Joe Biden & one of his $400 ties from Pink.
Sarah Palin keeps her hair in a beehive to hide her ninja weaponry.
Sarah Palin will personally open a homemade can of whoopa** on Ahmadinejad, Putin, and Chavez as soon as she's done making mooseburgers for her kids.
A grizzly bear once tried to stare down Sarah Palin. Once.
Sarah Palin will send Joe Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip.
Sarah Palin became governor because five children left her with too much spare energy.
Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity's war against the machines. (Terminator reference)
Three of Sarah Palin's 5 kids came out sideways and she never flinched.
Global Warming doesn't kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does. Generally with her bare hands.
Sarah Palin was the original "Deadliest Catch."
Sarah Palin paid her way through school by hunting for Kodiak pelts with a slingshot.
Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even in 1959 that Sarah Palin never finishes last.
Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man's body.
Sarah Palin once won the Iditarod without any dogs. She simply willed the sled to victory.
Sarah Palin wears half the makeup that John Edwards wears and still looks like twice the woman he does.
Sarah Palin once guided Santa's sleigh through an Alaskan blizzard with the light from her smile.
But really, that's not the point of my post. The point of my post is that, guess who's not excited about Sarah Palin. The left, predictably, but also, surprisingly, the super-right! Over at Ladies Against Feminism (which I usually like quite a lot, but they've lost mega points in my book over this issue), apparently, Sarah Palin is not the pro-family choice (trust me, it's a story on their page even though this link goes elsewhere) because she ought to be at home raising her kids. Also, really, click the "not the pro-family choice" link, because there's some fantastic stuff about how McCain isn't pro-family, he's just pro-victory. Because not being pro-victory is going to do much for us? Well, ok, I guess I could have guessed that that would be their line. But oh? guess who else thinks that? the feminists! (not counting the Feminists for Life, because presumably they would approve of one of their own) Wow, so, the feminists and the anti-feminists agree on this, and they're using the exact same talking points! (p.s., I love the Anchoress. And I'm going to let you read what links of hers you want to, but I'm tired of linking) (not to mention that the feminists are suddenly gigantically concerned about the welfare of five children of a working mom, because they've been telling moms to get back in the kitchen this whole time, right? right?? huh?) Weird, no?
So, to chronicle my list of surprises re: the appointment of Sarah Palin:
1) The left doesn't like her. Whatever, not a surprise. Actually, I get the impression that she scares the pants off of them, and rightly so. She's probably shot more large game than the whole Democratic National Convention put together.
2) The Ladies Against Feminism don't like her. What? Oh, right, she should be at home raising those kids. But what if she's what it takes to get McCain (and her too, natch) in office so's we can keep our ammo and bibles and continue being bitter people clinging to God and guns? Well, she can't because she's a woman. Fine.
3) But what now? The feminists also say that she can't because she's a woman? You've got me there, guys.
for good measure,
4) Her DS kid isn't hers, it's her daughter's. He was begotten in incest, and thus is severely disabled. Or, you know, just slow enough at learning maybe not to know how hateful people can be. Lord knows, we need to rid the world of these people. (didja know 90% of Downs Syndrome babies are aborted? I didn't until this news came out)
5) OH. But that daughter's pregnant. Five months pregnant. And Trig is four months old. Oops, guess we counted wrong, folks. But it's ok, we can still have SCANDAL! because there's a TEENAGE! GIRL! PREGNANT! And we know that the pro-abortion crowd doesn't know that teenage girls ever get pregnant. (Shall we also mention that she's keeping the baby and marrying the dad? That's ok, we'll just shun her for ruining her life and having a kid. Whatever.)
6) So maybe we have to accept that Trig is Sarah's son. We can still shun her for ruining her life with a Downs Syndrome baby.
As the Anchoress says, let's sew a red A for her. But wait, I thought this was what the feminists fought against, the sewing of scarlet letters?
WHO. KNOWS. You've got me, with your supperyur logik. Me, I'm just a country girl who's excited to have a potential VP who wants to save the babies and let me keep my gun, and who, sexy-wise, just might be able to kick Obama to the moon. And by sexy, I mean intellectually, of course.